Why Leaders Need to Be Less “Nice” — and More Actively Good
Many of us have been told that great leaders should be nice — approachable, warm, and likable. But a recent Harvard Business Review article argues that this widely accepted leadership ideal can be a trap. In today’s competitive and rapidly changing world, being nice isn’t the same as being effective — and leaders who confuse the two risk holding their organizations back.
Nice Isn’t Enough — Good Matters More
The HBR article highlights a critical distinction: being “nice” is about avoiding conflict, while being “good” means doing what’s right for the organization and its people — even when it’s uncomfortable. Many leaders avoid tough conversations and difficult decisions because they want to spare feelings, preserve harmony, or be liked. But this aversion to discomfort can undermine performance, morale, and ultimately growth.
Being “good” as a leader means actively:
Setting clear expectations, not vague hopes
Providing candid feedback, even when it hurts
Making disciplined decisions about roles, performance, and retention
Holding people — and yourself — accountable for outcomes
Staying focused on long-term strategy rather than short-term comfort
In other words, good leadership doesn’t happen by accident — it’s intentional. Leaders must choose it every day.
Growth Demands Intentional, Active Leadership
This leads into a deeper insight about growth: growth isn’t easy and it doesn’t happen by itself.
Organizations that grow sustainably don’t just wish to grow; they create the conditions for growth through deliberate decisions and disciplined actions. Let’s unpack what that means in the context of the HBR article:
1. Growth Requires Tough Conversations
Avoiding difficult feedback might keep the peace temporarily, but it erodes clarity, performance, and trust over time. Leaders must be willing to have hard talks about performance, strategy, and priorities — not for the sake of discomfort, but for progress.
2. Growth Demands Accountability
Accountability isn’t punitive — it’s honest. When leaders hold themselves and their teams accountable, everyone knows what success looks like and what is expected of them. Without this, teams drift, standards decline, and growth stalls.
3. Growth Is Built on Candor and Courage
Good leadership isn’t “nice” leadership. It’s candid. And candor requires courage — the courage to address problems early, to realign roles, to push for excellence even when it’s uncomfortable. This kind of leadership creates an environment where people feel safe to engage, take risks, and contribute at their best — all of which are prerequisites for growth.
Nice Can Build Trust — But It Alone Won’t Build Growth
It’s worth clarifying that niceness isn’t inherently bad. Kindness, empathy, and approachability are valuable traits that build trust and psychological safety. But when niceness becomes synonymous with avoidance — especially of accountability and hard choices — it undermines performance. This mirrors broader leadership conversations about balancing empathy with clarity and strength.
The takeaway? Effective leaders don’t trade niceness for strength — they expand their leadership palette to include warmth, honesty, clarity, and courage.
Intentional Leadership for Today’s Challenges
In a world marked by disruption, complexity, and rapid change, leaders who rely solely on being liked may find themselves unequipped for what lies ahead. Growth — whether in revenue, capability, culture, or impact — requires active leadership:
Vision: Knowing where you’re headed and why it matters
Focus: Choosing what to prioritize — and what to stop
Courage: Speaking truth to power, giving honest feedback
Discipline: Sticking with long-term strategy even when short-term challenges loom
Such leadership isn’t nice for the sake of being nice; it’s good for the sake of growth.
Final Thought
Leadership is a practice, not a personality. Intentional leaders choose good over nice not because they lack compassion, but because they realize that real growth — the kind that lasts — requires active decisions, courageous conversations, and a steadfast commitment to excellence.